The system shut (shat) me out.
(and in return, there you go, enjoy (or not) my over-complicated sentences. because it is this throw-out that pushed me even further to the direction I’ve been meaning to take for more than a decade(!)... it finally got fine-tuned enough and I got more accepting of non-ideal & x<100% and letting go of control, just *taking that leap*... even stronger than the coaching journey calling, or anything ever until now... is : finding my intentional (mutually consciously chosen) community)
After last year toying with the idea of switching directions and becoming a programmer and making it to the last round of interviews (which I still recall as one of my best interview experiences ever, oh that heavenly rapport between 2 people both trained in solution-focused brief coaching!), *want more on that path exploration?* last week applying for a “translation quality control associate” position marked the second time the HR told me I come across as intelligent and multi-faceted with great skills, yet just too out-of-the-box, free-spirited and creative to fulfill a 9to5 office position, which they assume I’d find boring -- and in the long run that’s definitely right. I viewed it as a temporary experiment, to find out how a more classical capitalist life could be -- following my bf’s lifestyle regarding having a full-time job (that he adores), fulfill my needs for stability, company and challenge, at the same time learning schedule, discipline, and that my time and unique (s)killset are worth quite a fair amount for an organization or an individual. Sounded good exchanging a few months for this, especially as the Dutch language was one of my passions, and I can bring my creativity into translation (see: my bilingual sites & translating my writings:). Besides idealizing a mid-term commitment to a flexible-time multicultural environment that could utilize part of my comparative advantage (Dutch&German&English translation skills and a university degree in life sciences), I felt resistance -- since I consider one my main missions for the not-so-far future to find/build & maintain a community of practical co-living in loving acceptance, shared values, mutual uplifting and support towards reaching individual as well as our common goals. And there, how much $ I earn a month doesn’t really matter. The connections I and the health (on all levels) I maintain does. The other day I looked into the mirror to activate my mirror neurons on myself - ‘cuz I deserve my coach side to be there for me, too. :) What I found struck me as no surprise but as reassuring something I’ve pushed to the wait list of my kilometers-long to-do list (more on which system got my commitment after tons of experimentation : later)... Is having a family -- not necessarily blood-related, I don’t care so much about that... And becoming the mother and sister and partner to others I haven’t got to fulfill til now, and the mother and sister I never truly had...That is healing: reclaiming it for myself through providing it to someone else; as they are me, too.
On encounter groups
We never know how a group affects us. Here & now?! that already was on the menu last time... there are old and experienced and members who still come back what I learned during the interview.---
I arrived there quite pretty, wearing a uniform skirt & jacket in ruby red, adding a hint of originality via a cream-brown snake-pattern top barely visible under it, with light stockings and high heeled brown-black ankle-boots emphasizing my relative-to-my-body long, thin legs.I knew this was indeed a risk to take with an Indian male interviewer. Just as leaving my LGBTQ psychology training in my master CV they received. Ha. Fail, even though I took courses in HR & work psychology; “shoulda known better”... :) thank God (actually, thank me, my BF, and both our persistence) that this last phrase enters my processes less and less, and acceptance, encouragement and “next time I will pay attention to x / instead” thoughts take its place.
A song I wrote comes to mind -- SuburbAnXiety -- soon I’ll record & upload it, stay tuned. ;)